Written on September 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
Question: Our 7-year-old son was banned from a neighbor’s house and then barred from all neighborhood gatherings. He has impulse control problems, which we’ve spoken to the other families about, and sees a counselor. But he still gets into trouble playing with local kids. What should we do?
Answer: Meeting and preparing other parents and counseling are all great moves. As painful as this is, you need to acknowledge that your son may have acted in a way that truly scared the other family, but they don’t know how to tell you. So I’d have one conversation with the parents directly involved in the incident and say, “My son mentioned that you banned him from your house. Is that true, and if so can you tell me why?” If they give you an answer, thank them, assure them that you respect their decision, and let them know you’ll continue working with him to improve his behavior. Then tell your son’s therapist what happened so that he or she can help him process his feelings and work on a strategy to address the problem.
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Rosalind Wiseman helps families and schools with bullying prevention and media literacy. Her book “Queen Bees and Wannabes” inspired the hit movie “Mean Girls.” She writes the Ask Rosalind column for Family Circle, and blogs about parenting tweens and teens on Momster.com.