Money

What’s Up with Your Son and His Sneaker Obsession?

Written on October 7, 2014 at 1:06 pm , by

 

 

When little boys get into their first superhero costume, magic occurs. They know they have super powers. They think they can fly, bend steel and outrun the wind. A few years later, when it dawns on boys that maybe their Batman capes don’t give them these powers, they seek out something else. Sneakers.

A boy’s love affair with his “kicks” is intense. If you’ve ever seen a boy lace up his new sneakers (that word moms usually use) and run around the shoe store, you know what I mean. In the right pair, boys believe they will jump higher and run faster. You can see it in the gleam in their eyes—they are invincible.

But there’s nothing new about shoes being a big deal for boys. From Vans to PF Flyers to Chuck Taylors (“Chucks”), shoes matter. The love of kicks is deep. And for this generation of boys, it’s basketball shoes.

The first Air Jordans came onto the market in 1985, right after Michael Jordan first laced up those black-and-red shoes to match the colors of the Chicago Bulls. David Stern, the NBA commissioner at the time, fined Jordan five thousand dollars each time he stepped out on the court because his shoes didn’t have enough white on them. There was nothing David Stern could have done to make Michael Jordan or his shoes look cooler. Jordan was breaking the rules and he looked good doing it.

But why else are shoes such a big deal for boys?

Shoes are the fashion choice that all boys can participate in without being teased. When you go with your son to a store like Foot Locker and the salesperson in that black-and-white striped shirt comes over to your son, what does he ask? Does he ask what size shoe your son wears? No. The smart ones say, “Hey, man, what are your colors?” What other article of clothing could that happen with? Where else could that question be asked without drawing embarrassment from your kid?

The last time I went with my sons, I had a hard time holding back my laughter as I listened to their intense discussion with the salesman. I watched them wander in front of the wall of shoes, saw their intense gaze and subsequent handling of the shoes while they each stared off visualizing their future greatness on the basketball court. The entire thing was completely ridiculous—a fact that I kept to myself.

What isn’t ridiculous and what parents need to be very aware of, is that shoes are a huge indicator among boys about status and money. The shoes boys most covet are heavily marketed to them and extremely expensive. (Nike Kobes are about $170 and LeBrons can go up to $250.) If parents are willing to pay for them, that says a lot about how they’re buying into the marketing campaigns that are targeting our boys and, by extension, our wallets.

Also keep in mind that boys often have judgments about who has the right to wear these shoes. As in, if you wear them but you can’t hold your own athletically, boys are going to make fun of you to your face or ridicule you behind your back.

I am writing about this to suggest that when your son is begging for new shoes and spends hours looking at his various options online, don’t make fun of him or belittle his apparent superficiality. Instead, see this an opportunity to talk about financial responsibility and perception of his image. Tell him how much you are willing to spend. If he still insists that he has to get expensive shoes, tell him he has to use his savings or work to pay for the rest. Then ask him how he thinks his life will be better if he has the shoes he covets and really listen to his answers, because he is giving you a window into his world.

But what if you’re having the opposite experience and your son won’t get rid of his shoes. Are you that mom who’s desperate to buy him new ones because the old ones are so disgusting? The reason he’s doing this may be because he doesn’t want to buy into the materialism of the other kids. Boys can do things for amazing reasons, but it’s hard to see—even when it’s right in front of our eyes. Again, this is an opportunity to look beyond the shoes and ask the boys in our lives why they’re doing things that make so little sense to us. The strange thing is that if we do, we really may learn something.

How does your son feel about his favorite pair of sneakers? Post a comment and tell me.

Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind’s parenting advice, here

Do you have a parenting question? Email askrosalind@familycircle.com.

 

Parenting Q&A: “I Can’t Afford to Give My Kids Everything. Will They Suffer Emotionally?”

Written on October 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm , by

 

Teen parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman answers your tough questions.

Q. How do you keep your family happy? And by “happy,” I mean comfortable without cost. Times are tough now, but I don’t want my kids to suffer emotionally because I can’t afford to give them everything.

A. Although life can be horribly stressful when money is tight, it’s so clear to me from my work around the country that having a lot of cash is no guarantee of a child’s contentment or a family’s harmony. So I’d like you to consider redefining happiness as striving for these four things in life: curiosity, hope of success in something you feel good about, being a part of something beyond yourself, and feeling connected to your loved ones and your community. I’ve found that’s where true joy lies for adults and kids. And if your children still complain about not getting the latest iPhone, have an honest conversation with them that includes a look at the family budget. When you do this calmly, your kids are more likely to accept (and appreciate) why their entire Christmas list isn’t going to end up under the tree next month.

Do you have a parenting dilemma for Rosalind? Send an email to askrosalind@familycircle.com.

Rosalind Wiseman helps families and schools with bullying prevention and media literacy. Her book “Queen Bees and Wannabes” inspired the hit movie “Mean Girls.” She writes the Ask Rosalind column for Family Circle, and blogs about parenting tweens and teens on Momster.com.

5 Ways to Save Money on Back to School Shopping

Written on August 14, 2012 at 10:46 am , by

 

Guest blogger Cherie Lowe on teaching your kids about money while saving big on back to school shopping.

The thrill of a shopping victory comes when you see that grossly disproportionate number at the bottom of your receipt telling you just how much money you saved. You totally know what I’m talking about. It’s the kind of receipt you want to show the people in front and back of you in line, as well as the greeter at the door. It’s the kind of receipt that invokes an embarrassing mom dance in the parking lot. And it’s the first thing you show your spouse when you see him next.

Don’t keep all of that giddy pride to yourself. Back to school time is the perfect opportunity for you to teach your tween how to handle money well–and possibly earn her own receipt worth showing off. You’ll need patience and you’ll have to relinquish control, but the byproduct is a money-savvy kid who learns that each penny counts. Here’s how to start:

1. Help your tween evaluate his needs before going shopping. Block off an afternoon to take inventory of what fits, what doesn’t and what he can re-use from last year. After you have a nice stack of items donate or hand down, compile a list of needs. Be sure to take stock of school supplies, in addition to clothes. Rulers, scissors, backpacks, lunch boxes and even USB drives usually have lifespans of 2-3 years.

2. Set two cash budgets: one for clothing, one for supplies. Based on what you’ve spent in the past and what your kid needs, go to the ATM and pull out EXACTLY what you plan to allow her to spend. If you let your kids shop with plastic–even debit, and yes, even if you’re present–they will always spend more.

3. Narrow your shopping venues and clip coupons. Don’t just wander the mall. You and your teen need a plan of attack. Sit down together and decide which stores you’ll hit. Then, google their names, along with the word “coupon,” to see what’s available for both clothing and supplies.

4. Steer your kids towards the clearance. Now’s not the time to buy sweaters and jeans–purchase capris, shorts and Ts, which are on sale now. Most schools start when the weather is still hot. Wait two months to shop for fall and winter clothing; by then, prices will come down substantially. If your kid desperately wants something spiffy for the first day, let her choose one fall outfit. (It can double as picture day attire, too.) But for everyday wear, urge her to choose clearance first.

5. Give them guidelines and set them free. It’s time for the little bird to fly from the nest. If you let your teens know that it’s their money to spend, they might have a different attitude than if you’re paying the bill. So if their shopping list calls for 3 pairs of pants, 2 tops and some socks, let them choose. This is extremely hard, as a parent, but it will make them realize that sometimes you have to decide between one pair of expensive jeans or two off-brand pairs. Obviously, you’ll need to help them navigate their school’s dress code–and perhaps your own household’s possibly stricter dress code. And let’s be clear: They may blow their budget and have to live with it. But you will not be sent to parent prison or turned in to Child Protective Services. And your kids will gain some valuable life learning.

How do you help your tween navigate the back to school aisles?

For more Royal Money Saving Back to School Tips, check out:

Cherie Lowe blogs at the Queen of Free, where she wears a plastic tiara and plans on never growing out of playing make believe.  Through written word and speaking engagements, she has shared the Royal Family’s Journey of Paying off $127,482.30 over the last four years.

An Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Kids How to Invest

Written on May 1, 2012 at 9:10 am , by

 

By Stacey L. Bradford

Investing can be child’s play. A little wisdom now can lead to long-term gains for your kid’s future.

UNDER AGE 9: As soon as your child grasps the concept of a dollar, start talking about saving and delayed gratification.

1. Implement a weekly allowance. While some parents use it as a reward for completing chores around the house, it can also be a teaching tool to show that earning money is a separate and important skill, says Joline Godfrey, author of Raising Financially Fit Kids.

2. Help kids create a simple budget. Explain the benefits of putting money aside for toys, ice cream outings or other things Mom and Dad usually pay for.

AGES 9–12: Tweens are mature enough to appreciate the concept of using money to make money, says Godfrey.

1. Once your child has saved $100 from his allowance, take him to the bank to open a savings account. Allow him to fill out the paperwork so he gets comfortable interacting with financial institutions, says Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz, a senior vice president with Charles Schwab.

2. Consider gifting your child one share of a publicly traded company that he likes, such as Walt Disney, Microsoft or Coca-Cola (share prices range between $30 and $70), suggests Justin Fulton, a principal at Signature in Norfolk, Virginia. Show him how to monitor the stock’s price online.

AGES 13–15: Teens are ready to grasp more complex financial lessons and may ask if investing is risky. While there’s no guarantee stocks will increase in value, over the past 10 years the stock market as a whole has appreciated 2%; in the past 20 years, 4%. Investing is also the best way to beat inflation, says Schwab-Pomerantz.

1. When your teen has at least $100 that is not earmarked for something else, open a custodial brokerage account and invest the money in an S&P 500 index fund. Buying this sort of mutual fund limits risk (you’re investing in a diversified basket of holdings). Review the monthly account statement with your teen.

2. Evaluate one of your own investment portfolios together. If you’ve been saving for your teen’s education, for example, share that account so she can see the choices you’ve made and how your -money has grown, recommends Fulton. It also helps her understand how much you’ve saved for her college years.

AGES 16–18: Let your teen manage her portfolio. It’s okay if she makes mistakes—the point is for her to get comfortable so she knows what to do when she’s eligible to contribute to a retirement account.

1. Arrange a meeting between your teen and a grandparent, friend or colleague who is knowledgeable about the market, says Fulton. Ask that “expert” if he would be willing to mentor your teen and touch base semi-regularly about her strategy.

2. Encourage your teen to invest in one or two companies or mutual funds. She should research potential investments online—your brokerage firm may even offer free tools.

Online Resources

schwabmoneywise.com: Topics include saving, credit cards and investing, plus definitions of terms such as stocks, bonds and exchange-traded funds.

oneshare.com: Purchase one share of a company for your kid and he’ll receive a framed stock certificate and starter kit.

orangekids.com: Planet Orange, ING Direct’s interactive, space-themed game, teaches kids in grades one through six how to earn, spend, save and invest.

weseed.com: Kids can create virtual stock portfolios and track the real market’s returns.

investopedia.com: From market basics to sophisticated strategies used by day traders, this comprehensive site offers tutorials, definitions and news.

Have you taught your kids to invest? Tell us how in the comments below.

Financial expert Stacey L. Bradford is an award-winning journalist and author. When she isn’t writing, she’s busy teaching her kids the value of a dollar.

Saying “No” to Your Kids’ Material Demands

Written on April 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm , by

 

By Stacey L. Bradford

Recently my daughter begged me for an American Girl doll. Fortunately, a simple no was all it took to end the discussion. But I realize in a few years it won’t be so easy to deny her, particularly when the new toy or gadget is something all her friends have. What’s funny is that I always thought if I gave her enough love she’d never compare herself to other people. Boy was I naive.

In fact, kids are neurologically hardwired to crave the same stuff as their peers. “As tweens approach middle school, they passionately seek acceptance from friends,” says Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a B-Minus. It doesn’t take long for them to realize that one way to fit in is to dress like everyone else. “That explains their ‘need’ for the right stuff,” Mogel says.

While I don’t want to impact my daughter’s social life—and I cringe at the thought of consumerism playing a role—I do hope to safeguard her from irresponsible spending decisions using this approach.

1. Define Your Values: Parents should outline their family’s values with their kids, says Gregory Jantz, Ph.D., author of When Your Teenager Becomes the Stranger in Your House. Draft a mission statement and try to live by its principles. Jantz’s family’s statement, for example, includes having a strong work ethic. So when his boys requested a Nintendo DS system, he reminded them of their family’s commitment to hard work and asked how they -intended to earn it. “Simply telling teens they can’t have something doesn’t work,” Jantz says. “You’re dealing with constant comparisons to their friends.”

And it shouldn’t come as a surprise that those friends’ parents may believe in a different set of principles than you do. In other words, they give their kids just about anything. The best way to counteract that is to refrain from criticizing them in front of your kid, says Jantz. Instead, explain that every family has its own rules and you are doing what you think is best.

2. Set Limits: It’s also necessary to create and enforce financial limits, says Mogel. This teaches kids that there are restrictions on how much your family can afford. Implement a spending cap of, say, $200 for a back-to-school wardrobe and ask your teen for input on how she would like to allocate it. And under no circumstances should you apologize for setting a budget.

3. Empower Through Earning: There will be times when your kids’ desires exceed their limits, or when they’ll want something you cannot afford. As long as the product doesn’t go against your values, help your kid come up with a plan to purchase it. For example, if your son wants a reasonably priced digital camera, assign him some extra projects around the house. By earning small amounts of money over time, he can save up to buy the camera himself—and he’ll probably appreciate it more if he’s forking over his own cash.

4. Retain Veto Power: Remember that you always have the right to say no, whether or not your family can afford something. You don’t have to justify your decision to not let your 13-year-old get an iPad—even if he saved up for it. Your job during these years is to send your kids off to college prepared to make smart, sensible spending choices on their own.

What have you refused to buy your kid? Share in the comments below.

Financial expert Stacey L. Bradford is an award-winning journalist and author. When she isn’t writing, she’s busy teaching her kids the value of a dollar.

Wacky School Fundraisers That Raised Lots of Money

Written on February 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm , by

 

Hi, everyone. I’m Jonna, the articles director at Family Circle and the editor who handled the school fundraising story in our March issue. I’m somewhat new to the school fundraising deal because until this past September, my oldest son was enrolled in a private school that charged a hefty tuition but did no fundraising whatsoever. Yes, you read that right. No fundraising at all. You paid the tuition and that was that. Believe me, it’s only now that I see how great I had it. Now that I am the parent of a public school second grader, I totally get how relentless the fundraising is. And frankly, for the amount of money my husband and I pay in state, city and local taxes, it makes me furious that education gets so short-shrifted and we as parents are charged to make up the difference. We are fortunate in that, we CAN, with a lot of effort on everyone’s part. But what about schools without a dedicated parent population, how does that work then? Then there’s also to Guilt factor: As in, I Feel Guilty if I don’t participate in every fundraiser to the utmost. As a working parent, I have enough to feel guilty about and don’t need something else. So I buy umpteen raffle tickets. I order bakery sweets that I literally give away untouched because I don’t want the calories. And on. And on. So I feel like I’m “helping” and my son does too. I have only been at this for coming up on 6 months. I can’t even imagine how aggravating it will seem in a year or three.

So that’s my rant. (Nice to meet you!) What I am actually going to talk about is wacky-sounding fundraisers, ways to bring in money that don’t scream same-old same-old, been there-done that, however you want to put it. We cover a few in the story and asked our Facebook crew to chime in.

Michelle Miller mentioned a Rock-a-thon, where kids got pledges and rocked in rocking chairs all night. Seems interesting, provided you have access to the right facility and more importantly, the means to pull off the supervision required for an overnight event.

Reader Marilyn Chapman talked up Change for Change, when the principal, teachers and students stood out in front of the school every morning for a week with containers to collect spare change. Each container was marked with a grade level, and the grade that pulled in the most coins got a popcorn party, meaning, virtually every cent collected was profit. Sounds interesting.

From Sarah Rodgers Bechtol came word of a pickle sale, which appeals to me personally because, well, I LOVE PICKLES.

One other response that caught my eye was from Leslie Letourneau Keenan, who suggested something called Bag2School, which buys unwanted clothing and textiles for a set price per pound. On one hand that sounded potentially worthwhile, though part of me feels that no-longer-needed clothes should really go to the needy. Looks like no conflict for me at the moment, Bag2School seem to only operate in the UK.

Anyway, I am looking for fresh, fun, not-terribly-difficult-to-pull-off ideas to pitch to my PTA. Got one? Please comment!

The Pros and Cons of School Fundraising

Written on January 31, 2012 at 10:14 am , by

 

Guest blogger Alina Tugend on school fundraising.

As the mother of a high-schooler and middle-schooler, I’ve now gone through, oh, let’s see, about a dozen years (more if you count pre-school!) of bake sales and car-wash fundraisers and stuffing tubs of frozen cookie dough I don’t particularly want into my freezer to support our schools.

Don’t get me wrong. The public schools my two boys attend in our New York suburb are terrific and I’m happy to support them. But like every parent I know, I’m tired of being hit up for money. And it’s only getting worse. When the economy tanked a few years ago, even solid school systems like ours were hit. Suddenly emails were flying around the community begging families to help raise the tens of thousands of dollars needed to keep some of our sports teams going.

While interviewing experts and parents for my article in this month’s issue of Family Circle I found myself constantly nodding in agreement. Yes, all public schools are facing a funding crisis. Yes, private money is needed. But there’s a real danger that goes along with that. Corporate donors can certainly help out, but at what cost? Our children are already slammed with so many commercial messages outside of school – do we want to bring that kind of advertising into schools as well? And how will sponsorship influence what schools buy?

Private money from parents also comes with a price. Will a family that gives big to a sports team or drama club have undue influence when it comes to their child’s spot on that team or in the school play? Won’t such fundraising inevitable exacerbate the already large gap between wealthier and less affluent school districts as richer communities can give far more than poorer ones?

And finally how much time do we want teachers and administrators, already overburdened, to devote to fundraising activities?

But fundraising won’t go away. There are ways to develop programs that do it in the best and fairest way possible. One example is set up a non-profit schools’ foundation for the entire district, so many raised is equitably distributed among the schools. Another is to do bigger but fewer fundraisers over the year, so parents don’t feel they are being hit up at every turn. And schools need to make sure they have strict guidelines in place about who they will take money from and how it will be used.

As all administrators told me, no one likes fundraising, but it’s a necessary evil. The focus in the future should be to do it the best way we can.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Alina Tugend’s book, Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong(Riverhead) is out in paperback this month. She also writes the biweekly ShortCuts column for the New York Times and the parenting column for Worth Magazine. Alina lives in New York with her husband and two teenage boys.

Saving for Your Kids’ Retirement!?!

Written on May 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm , by

I work in a cube so I do try to keep the noise to a minimum but when I got in a press release, “Should You Start Planning for Your Kids’ Retirement?” I had to laugh out loud in a you-have-got-to-be-kidding way. I mean, I just really started being somewhat serious about my own retirement a few years ago. Now I need to plan for the boys’? Well, yes and no. This was also partly one CPA’s clever idea of how to teach your kids—and yourself—about money.

Rick Rogers offers these suggestions, among others: Starting at  16, contribute $5000 year to a Roth IRA for your child. (Sure; right after I pay off the yacht. And Rutgers University.) Everyone should save at least 10 percent of take home. (Okay; this makes sense. Not happening–see RU, above–but something to aspire to.) Take half of what you have been spending on your kids’ games and tech and invest in for the kid instead. (Now this is starting to make some sense.)  Get in the habit of saving something regularly rather than waiting for a big sum to show up.  (All right, I’m convinced.) So what about you? Are you preparing your offspring to continue living in style? I thought I was doing that just by sending them to college, but, hey, I could always be doing better, right?