prom mom

My Daughter’s Prom Was a Big Success

Written on June 11, 2012 at 12:00 pm , by

 Guest blogger Marian Merritt, member of Family Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board, on her “prom mom” experiences.

All I can say is now that the prom is over, I’m so relieved and a bit exhausted! Even with that big sigh of relief, I want to tell you that M’s prom can certainly be described as a BIG success. A success from a parent point of view, because as far as I know, there were no problems or situations requiring me to run to rescue my daughter, her date or any of her friends from trouble. There were no frantic calls for emergency supplies of comfortable shoes, safety pins, hair spray or first-aid supplies. And a big success because my lovely daughter left the house happy and excited and arrived home smiling and exhausted.

The preparations began as usual with a trip to the local hair salon. Umberto Los Angeles was hopping with excited teens and their parents and there were two girls from the class leaving with finished styles just as we arrived. M began her salon experience with a manicure and pedicure in matching pale pink polish. Then she went off to get her hair washed. I think I was allowed to tag along at the salon not only to pay the bills but also to advise her on her hair style. She really wasn’t that interested in any of my suggestions from the salon magazines or pictures of celebrity hairstyles we found on the Internet. Then we looked at the Momster Prom 2012 hairstyle article on my smartphone while she was sitting in the stylist’s chair. That helped! M decided on long, romantic curls without any ornaments, clips or fancy braiding. And as it turned out, she was right because it was so pretty!

While M was getting her hair washed, another of her friends was getting the finishing touches on her updo with our hair stylist. So I had a nice chat with her, took a photo and emailed it to her mother. Then when M was in the chair, the other girl went off to get her makeup done at the MAC counter in the department store at the mall.

After M’s hair was completed, we drove to the home of a very close friend of hers we’ll call “J”. J happens to be extremely artistic and this skill extends itself to makeup application. She had volunteered to make M up and she was so good at it, I think I’ll have to hire her for my next big event!  She’s just that talented and took all the right steps to clean her brushes and keep everything professionally organized in kits from Sephora and The Container Store. She also spent a lot of time considering shades and materials to give M just the right soft, sophisticated look. I asked her how she learned to do makeup application at her young age and she replied, “from watching lots of YouTube videos and lots of practice.”

By the time we arrived back home, M’s date and steady boyfriend “S” had arrived with his mom. We had to sneak M past him so she could finish dressing without him seeing her. Then with her dress and glittering sandals and earrings in place, she emerged to loads of “oohs” from her boyfriend, his mother, her parents and even her little sister. Then we took a few photos in our living room as S put the wrist corsage in place and then we all jumped into the car for the short drive to the “pre-prom” festivities.

I’m not sure we had a “pre-prom” when I was in high school but what a super idea! One of the grad’s parents hosted a backyard event where the parents and siblings could visit with each other, take photos of the prom-goers and enjoy the warm summer evening together. Many of the families have become close after more than 15 years of having our children in school together. After an hour of socializing, the parents peeled off for other events and dinners back at home. A party bus came to the house to take all the kids and their dates off to the prom.

The prom was held in a party space that was, up until recently, a Hollywood nightclub. There were parent chaperones and security provided by the site. They had music and dancing and the festivities went on until about 1:30 a.m. when the party bus came back and took the kids home. One interesting innovation: there was a special “after prom” time during the evening where underclassmen and friends of the students who had purchased tickets could join the prom goers. That seems like a nice way to carve out separate events, raise additional funds and include as many students from this small school as possible.

After talking to few other moms today, most of the kids had a wonderful time. One boy was heard to describe the evening as “overrated” but he was the exception. For the other kids, last night they felt a connection to each other, an electric feeling that lasted all prom night long. There is something magical that can give two kids on a prom date a special bond and a lasting memory. At the same time, there’s an inherent pressure that prom night should be “perfect” and completely different from regular teen life. That kind of pressure can backfire and cause anyone to feel deflated, disappointed, and a bit of “is that all there is?” Fortunately, life will present many more occasions for our teens to put on some fancy clothes, spend too much money and stay out too late. But there is never anything quite as exhilarating as the preparation that goes into prom and for that, I’ve been happy to share all of it with you.

Marian Merritt is a mother of three (two teens and a tween) and works for security company Norton by Symantec. You can read her internet safety blog She serves on Family  Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board and has written the award-winning Norton Family Online Safety Guide, now in its third edition.

“We Found the Perfect Prom Dress!”

Written on May 9, 2012 at 9:26 am , by


Guest blogger Marian Merritt, member of Family Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board, on her “prom mom” experiences.

So let’s get caught up. M and I have been on the prowl for the perfect prom dress. Her stated requirements were that it be a flowing gown style with a fitted bodice. She prefers jewel colors like blue, green and purple. And we’d probably tried on or viewed online every blue, green or purple gown in Los Angeles and New York to no avail. At least until now.

Since I last wrote, we completed our amazing East Coast college tour. And it really was amazing: four colleges in upstate New York, New York’s Long Island and Philadelphia. We rode planes, trains and rented an automobile. We met eager tour guides and solicitous admissions officers. We asked a lot of questions and apparently toured the same cinder block dorm room four times.

And in between we shopped dresses. And then we went home, back to Los Angeles.

We then decided to ditch the suburban malls and department stores we’d been relying on. We headed downtown to the garment district where there were at least two massive bridal/prom dress emporia M had heard about. I was thrilled because downtown L.A. means wholesale and wholesale means discount prices, right?

It’s been a while since I wandered through the stalls and shops of Santee Street in downtown Los Angeles. I actually love the whole downtown shopping experience and many years ago, I even managed a wholesale clothes shop for a friend’s mom as a summer college job. I thought I was pretty cool with a key to open and close the store, manage the register and carry the zippered receipts bag back to their home each night. While much is the same in the “schmata district,” some had changed. Whereas before it seemed everyone spoke Spanish, Korean or Hebrew, this time I heard a lot of Farsi added to the spicy mix.

We chose to begin with the store with the more glamorous storefront. Two stories of open stock and a big crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling’s center. We were greeted by a nice, chicly dressed lady who quickly disappeared on us. Another bored but equally well appointed sales woman informed us we could only try on five dresses. Something about the stacks and stacks of dress racks and the little to no sales assistance and I was pretty unhappy. The disinterested staff only added to my confusion and disappointment. We drove all this way to be overwhelmed and left to search without help? It was almost a physical depiction of shopping on the internet gone wrong. The site might have a great home page, but then you find no system to help you locate what you need from the thousands of items listed on the site.

So we left and headed to the second store. Here, the entry was a little shabby and the security alarm beeped with each customer’s entrance. “Beep, beep,” as we walked in. No chandelier and the carpet was old and frayed. The sales staff didn’t appear as glamorous as at the first store but their smiles felt genuine, even if the stress of helping so many teens and their crazed moms was beginning to show.

The thousands of prom dresses hung in two levels of racks, extended both up to the high industrial ceiling and then back, back, back hundreds of feet in a nightmare-inducing fantasy of tulle and chiffon. The store manager played triage nurse and asked if we had an idea what we were looking for before she handed us off to another saleswoman. This gal was very young, terribly sweet and though she had trouble reaching the dresses on the higher tier, she never complained. Using a metal hook and bar device, she pulled a selection of beautiful teal, blue and purple gowns for us.

Then, M headed back to the dressing area under the supervision of a third and more seasoned saleswoman. The dressing area was a grouping of small dressing rooms, big enough only for one person and tucked in the farthest corner of the showroom. Each dressing room had a cafe door that allowed you to see the girl’s feet at the bottom and her head and shoulders at the top. To get in and out of each dress, the staff insisted on zipping and unzipping the dresses themselves, to prevent undue damage to the material. This meant each girl was compelled to step out of the changing room for assistance, and in many cases had much of their bare torso visible, at least on the side where the zipper was as they moved in and out of the dressing room.

There was by now a large assembly of about 20 people standing and sitting just a few feet away. Mothers, girlfriends, sisters were gathered to provide encouragement and advice. There were also a few young men (the prom dates, I suspect) and fathers standing around. It didn’t seem appropriate for each girl’s progress to be viewed by these men and boys so I turned to them, and as firmly and politely as possible said, “Please, all you men please step back and give our girls some privacy.” I was a little worried that I would offend someone but all the men stepped back quickly, almost relieved to put some distance between themselves and all the dress drama in this particular corner of the store. M was also happy I’d said something, though a little embarrassed I’d done it, too.

Dress on, dress off. Zippers down and up in rapid succession. I had some time between dress reviews for M so I started looking at the other girls and their dress choices. I didn’t mean to, but I found myself getting drawn into discussions with other shoppers about prom expenses and other concerns. One mother asked the price of her daughter’s dress and was told $450. She said, “I’ve never spent that much on a dress for myself!” then sank back in her chair dejectedly. Another girl, with an enviably sleek figure, was trying on a nude sheath dress, covered in small crystals that gave every inch a subtle and sexy shimmer. It was the dress a movie star might wear, a modern Marilyn Monroe singing to the President outfit. The gown was far more sexy than I could imagine on my own child but I had to admire how well the young woman looked in it. She was still hesitating over the purchase, despite her mother’s approval, and she wanted to see the dress in other color choices. Sighing, the group of middle-aged moms sitting around agreed, the girls were at the height of their beauty and wasn’t it great to see them so dressed up?

And then, M found it. The dress that made her smile and stand up a little taller. The saleswoman gave a sigh of pleasure and said, oh look, how pretty! It wasn’t exactly what M had described as her perfect dress. Far more crystals, and a natural, not empire waist. And it was quite a bit more expensive than I’d hoped. But otherwise, yes, it was a goddess confection of flowing fabric with two shades of teal blue that shift and dance in the light. The bodice is encrusted with chunky rhinestones.  M stood there, surrounded by the other girls and the admiring glances of my fellow prom moms. She gave a shy spin in the dress and asked if I could see the changes in color as she moved. I did, not only in the fabric but in the flush of excitement on her face. I asked her if this was the dress. She hesitated for the barest second and almost seemed surprised to nod back at me, yes. This is it. This is my prom dress.

Marian Merritt is a mother of three (two teens and a tween) and works for security company Norton by Symantec. You can read her internet safety blog She serves on Family  Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board and has written the award-winning Norton Family Online Safety Guide, now in its third edition.

Our Prom Mom Makes a Parenting Facebook Faux Pas

Written on April 18, 2012 at 10:05 am , by

Guest blogger Marian Merritt, member of Family Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board, on her “prom mom” experiences.

The two mail order dresses arrived! I have to admit, one of them was just stunning and at a great price. But M felt it was too fancy, too serious and maybe even too “mature.” Given the department store’s wonderful policy of free shipping and free returns, we may hold on to that one for a while, as a back-up, or even to use as a formal dress to wear in college. I think it’s good to have a few wardrobe options.

Unfortunately, I’m out of the dress shopping job this week while I’m out of town on business. M is going to have to go with a friend to yet another dress boutique in LA. Who knows? Maybe she will get lucky or feel less pressure without me. If not, you may recall we have a college trip coming and that still gives us a chance to shop in New York. (Someone should warn Macy’s Herald Square!)

So let’s stop to discuss another aspect of all this prom prep: the online world.

I committed a parenting social media faux pas and I need to share it with you. When my first blog entry went up on Momster, I linked to it on my Facebook page.  I allowed the accompanying photo to appear on my Facebook newsfeed. And then, (horrors!) I tagged M in the post! That meant all her friends suddenly saw the item, with the link to Momster and the photo of the dress. Including the dress that isn’t her  actual DRESS, if you know what I mean.

OMG! The drama that ensued! First, M was annoyed that her boyfriend saw the image and “MOM! He isn’t supposed to see the dress!!” Huh? I thought that was a wedding rule, not a prom rule. And then, the comments from her friends began, because they assumed she’d selected that red dress as the one. While all of them said they loved it, M felt compelled to post and re-post her statement that “THIS isn’t my prom dress! It’s just one we tried on!” So, the key lesson I learned is to avoid tagging her in my prom blogging, at least for the time being.

And I learned a neat trick our kids are using to keep their fashion faux pas to a minimum on the big night. As each girl selects her final dress choice, she uploads an image to a Facebook page (a RESTRICTED Facebook page for just the girls) to make sure no one gets the identical dress. That is brilliant! At my prom, there were three girls wearing the same ivory lace Gunny Sack dress and I was one of them. All night long, we each staked out our section of the dance floor and tried to stay out of photos with each other. It was a little upsetting (though very funny now). It’s quite a relief that with this wise use of technology, that’s one issue our kids can avoid. (Although I must admit, now I wish we had taken a photo of the three of us in our matching outfits.)

Ask your teens how they are deciding what to wear for the big night. Will your daughter’s dress match her date’s outfit? Do they have a group planning page? What about corsages or flowers (and do they still do that?) Will there be dinner before or dinner after? Group photos at one house? After-parties?  Do you have a curfew for your teen and will you lift it for prom night? Get those conversations going now and while you’re at it, maybe you and your teen should set some ground rules for each other about how to use social media wisely. Just as they may want you to limit any mentions of prom stuff in your own Facebook or other social networks, you should ask them to be smart about it too. Talk about making sure their social network activity is thoughtful and considerate of others. Not everyone has determined their prom plan yet and may be upset by seeing what your teen is posting. And as we move towards the big night, that intensity will increase. Discuss how to post images, videos and comments while respecting privacy and feelings.

Marian Merritt is a mother of three (two teens and a tween) and works for security company Norton by Symantec. You can read her internet safety blog She serves on Family  Circle’s Tween/Teen Advisory Board and has written the award-winning Norton Family Online Safety Guide, now in its third edition.