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4 Ways to Love the One You're With

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4. Surrender in the Bedroom

There are plenty of ways to let go sexually. The best place to start? Drop the negative messages you give yourself about your body and replace them with empowering ones. Instead of dwelling on your fleshy upper arms, congratulate yourself on your great hair or your strong legs. And don't forget to acknowledge how well your body is designed to give and receive pleasure.

If you're the one who always has her way in bed -- especially if that means saying "no" more often than "yes" -- try relinquishing some of that control. Tami Robertson (not her real name) is glad she did. "I realized that I just wasn't in the mood often enough, and he would be disagreeable and feel rejected afterward," says the mom of two daughters. So as an experiment, she responded to his advances with, "Sure, but let's make it a quickie." It worked wonders. "The result was a happy husband, and therefore a happier me, happier kids, and just all-around goodness," says Tami. "Plus, the excitement of the speed made it fun and more adventurous."

Finally, if you tend to concentrate too hard on reaching the finish line, release your "are we there yet?" anxieties and give yourself over to the moment. "Too often, couples try to force things," says Dr. Markman. "Make sure you give yourself time to focus on the sensual side of things. Light candles, get out the massage oil, and devote yourself to kissing, touching, and hugging." Sensuality helps you connect with your husband, which leads to greater desire, more pleasurable sex, and (bonus!) a better chance of having that mind-blowing climax. There -- isn't it fun to let go?

 

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