It was your idea to splurge on a kitchen renovation and his to replace the second car before the first was paid off. Nobody monitored your 401(k)s—and now you're pointing fingers.
Emotional Rescue: The only reason to dredge up mistakes is to learn from them. "Continually berating yourself and your partner creates wounds that aren't easily healed," says Dorlen. It's tough to solve problems unless you both agree to drop the blame game.
Focus on what's best for you as a couple, not your own need to be right. Take responsibility—admitting missteps to yourself and then out loud to your spouse—for choices you made solo and for your role in the financial moves the two of you made together. Lastly, says Dickson, "Remind each other about successes and recognize that you meant the best even with decisions that didn't work out." Then forgive each other. (And if he's not on board with this, let it go anyway!)