"Mom, I'm Bored": The Upside of Downtime

From Hectic to Boredom

When the rains and winds of Hurricane Frances battered Fort Lauderdale, it stripped Debbie Glasser's family of their hectic lifestyle. The storm mired them in four days of virtual lockdown -- no television, no video games, no play dates, no soccer practice. Just three kids, a dog, and two parents. In short, very boring. It's just what the kids needed, says their mom.

The few days the Glasser children spent in captivity served as a case study on the benefits of boredom. That's right, benefits, says Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of the online newsletter NewsForParents.org. The all-too-familiar phrase "Mom, I'm bored" sends many parents scrambling for ways to stimulate, entertain or occupy their kids. Yet child development experts and a growing number of parents are starting to view limited bouts of boredom as important to a child's emotional growth and well-being.

During their forced "vacation," the Glasser children had to entertain themselves. In the process they discovered a valuable creative resource: their own imaginations. "Now when my thirteen-year-old daughter comes up to me and says, ‘I'm bored,' I'll say, ‘How wonderful. You have some time to enjoy your own company and learn how special you are,'" says Dr. Glasser. "She will usually roll her eyes, but she's starting to get it. Downtime is something we now embrace and value in this family."

Children today are extraordinarily busy, with jam-packed schedules that take up more and more of their time. In fact, a survey by the University of Michigan revealed that in 1997 children between the ages of 3 and 12 had nearly eight hours less free time each week than they did in 1981. It's not surprising that in a recent study approximately half of adolescents surveyed said they feel stressed out at least once a week.

Kids need guidance about the importance of editing their lives so they can carve out hours to explore, create, connect, contemplate or just be. By introducing a bit of intentional boredom, you can help your children become more relaxed, more self-sufficient and, ultimately, happier people.

Spark Creativity

Like nature, kids abhor a vacuum. Give them some do-nothing time and odds are pretty good they will find an interesting way to fill it. In her book Living Simply with Children (Three Rivers Press), Marie Sherlock of Portland, Oregon, suggests instituting Do-Nothing Days, on which you gently steer your children toward imaginative activities and allow them to make their own fun.

Sherlock speaks from experience. She has long used tedium to spark her own sons, Ben, 15, and Scott, 12. Usually, after the groans of "there's nothing to do" start to fade, Sherlock sees her children gravitate toward inspired outlets like picking up the guitar or exploring in their backyard.

The key to making the most of the doldrums, she says, is suppressing your impulse to find immediately something to occupy your child or, worse yet, to turn to the television or a computer game. Creativity nearly always blossoms out of boredom.