How to Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Son
I’m halfway through my Masterminds book tour. New York, Baltimore, D.C., Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit and Chicago are all behind me. Houston, Atlanta, Louisville, Denver, Seattle and L.A. are ahead. Already it’s been an incredible experience and I’ve learned a lot. So at the midpoint, I want to share a few personal highlights and some parental insights for Family Circle readers—some of whom have come to my events.
What We Do for Our Kids
First things first: A huge thank-you to the Baltimore audience for attending—even though you knew you’d be sitting in a gym with no air-conditioning in 95-degree heat. My brother and my sister-in-law were there, but that’s family. As I drove away, it really hit me how incredible it was to have 300 people willingly tolerate that situation. But it just goes to show you what people will do for their children when they think they can get more tools to help them. Thanks to all who came for believing I could do that for you.
My second thank-you is to my mother. Last week at a reception in Washington, D.C., after I acknowledged all the people in attendance who had helped me write Masterminds, she raised both hands above her head and then repeatedly pointed at herself. It is her right, as my mother. She can publicly claim her contribution to any success I have. Goodness knows, she’s had to acknowledge me, my brother and my sister when we weren’t making her look too great. So good job, Mom!
How Dads Are Weighing In
Now, on to the insights. Prior to this book, I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to know that mostly moms have attended my events. With the publication of Masterminds, I was hoping that I’d see more dads in the audience. And I am. But what’s so rewarding is what the dads are telling me. Picture this: I am in Columbus, Cincinnati and Chicago, and these big dads are towering over me telling me that after reading the book (especially the parts about how to ask your son questions without coming across as an interrogator) they’re having better conversations with their sons than they ever thought possible. In addition, many of them shared with me how much the book is making them think about their own experiences as boys and how it affected them as they grew into the men they are today. It’s truly incredible.
And think about this: They’re reading a book penned by a woman with the help of teens and they’re embracing the importance of what we’ve written. I have gotten so little defensiveness or “Who are you to think you can write this book?” I know there will be rough roads ahead (there always are), but it’s times like these when I think maybe we really can make things better for our families and communities.
One More Thing for Us Moms to Do
With moms, I’ve been struck by how worried many of them are that holding their ground and maintaining their authority with an older son will forever pull them apart from their child. So many are concerned that if they try to hold their son accountable to rules, he will do what he wants anyway and distance himself from her. I know that boys feel better about themselves when they respect their mother. I didn’t say “love.” I said “respect.” They also have better relationships with girls. But I think that we have a lot of work to do to strengthen women’s relationships with their sons: assuring them that a close connection with your son is only possible if you’re able to hold your own with him but at the same time allow him to come into his own, on his own time and in his own way.
As I meet parents and educators around the country, there’s been a lot of laughter, good-natured commiserating, hope and love as we talk about boys and how we can do our best for them. And I’m really looking forward to continuing the conversation with other communities and families. It’s one of those times when I truly appreciate how lucky I am to do this work.
How has Rosalind’s book changed the way you relate to your son? Post a comment and tell us here!
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best-seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well asQueen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to www.rosalindwiseman.com. Do you have a parenting question? E-mail email@example.com.