Our Favorite Funny Quotes and Words of Wisdom
"(24/7) Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."
"I have insecurities, of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me."
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!"
"Ask not what your mother can do for you. Ask what you can do for your mother."
"If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: Who cares?"
"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone."
"My mom told me don't grow up too quickly; once you're an adult, you're an adult."
"Coffee keeps me busy until it's acceptable to drink wine."
A Common Kid Remark
"Cool story, Mom. Don't tell it again."
"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice."
A Sweet Tip
"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts."
"When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you."
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."
Dealing With Aging
"Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?"
Believing In Yourself
"Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice."
"There are really places in your heart that you don't know exist until you love a child."
"Our house was clean last week. We're so sorry you missed it!"
"Motherhood. There's absolutely no sort of...reward for this—except for the intangible of my kids growing up to be wonderful people."
"Motherhood: The most exhausting, emotional, rewarding and life-enhancing journey a women can take."
Turn a Negative Into a Postive
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be like 'What?'"
"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude about it."
"Be the type of person you want to meet."
Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree
"Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out."
"Mommy. It's just the one thing you don't want to mess up."
Mom Knows Best
"If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you."
Anticipating the Weekend
"If 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, why can't Thursday be the new Friday?"
"I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks, I am outstanding."
"Every day I ask my husband, 'Is it possible to over-kiss your child?'"
Don't We All?
"I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday."
"She has to have four arms, four legs, two hearts, and double the love. There is nothing single about a single mom."
"Keep looking up...that's the secret of life."
"If you stumble, make it part of the dance."
"Wrinkles should indicate where smiles have been."
"Be a warrior, not a worrier."
Time to Unwind
"It's always wine o'clock somewhere."