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"(24/7) Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."
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"I have insecurities, of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me."
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"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!"
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"Ask not what your mother can do for you. Ask what you can do for your mother."
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"If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: Who cares?"
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone."
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"My mom told me don't grow up too quickly; once you're an adult, you're an adult."
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"Coffee keeps me busy until it's acceptable to drink wine."
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A Common Kid Remark
"Cool story, Mom. Don't tell it again."
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"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice."
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A Sweet Tip
"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts."
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"When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you."
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"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."
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Dealing With Aging
"Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?"
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Believing In Yourself
"Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice."
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"There are really places in your heart that you don't know exist until you love a child."
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"Our house was clean last week. We're so sorry you missed it!"
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"Motherhood. There's absolutely no sort of...reward for this—except for the intangible of my kids growing up to be wonderful people."
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"Motherhood: The most exhausting, emotional, rewarding and life-enhancing journey a women can take."
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Turn a Negative Into a Postive
"When nothing goes right, go left."
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"When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be like 'What?'"
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"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."
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"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude about it."
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"Be the type of person you want to meet."
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Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree
"Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out."
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"Mommy. It's just the one thing you don't want to mess up."
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Mom Knows Best
"If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you."
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Anticipating the Weekend
"If 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, why can't Thursday be the new Friday?"
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"I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks, I am outstanding."
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"Every day I ask my husband, 'Is it possible to over-kiss your child?'"
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Don't We All?
"I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday."
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"She has to have four arms, four legs, two hearts, and double the love. There is nothing single about a single mom."
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"Keep looking up...that's the secret of life."
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"If you stumble, make it part of the dance."
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"Wrinkles should indicate where smiles have been."
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"Be a warrior, not a worrier."
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Time to Unwind
"It's always wine o'clock somewhere."